Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Even my vagina gasped.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
