I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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