Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How drunk are you?
Completed.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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