I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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