can u get pink eye on your cock?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
