I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
