she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
