Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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