Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
