hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
