YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
