it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
