we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
