considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gift wrapped bread.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So much rum. So many feels.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize