smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
