I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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