WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
