Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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