I wish my penis had an off switch
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Your cock deserves a montage
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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