birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
