So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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