You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
