You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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