My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome