somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
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Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
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When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just had sex on a roof
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me