Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.