I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
