im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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