Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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