My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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