I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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