my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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