spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
