Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
