My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
