sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
