Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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