It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
