think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
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You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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