After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
