you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
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You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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