Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
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I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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