There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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