Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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