you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Of course I have a pirate flag
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
