to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
