question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
