Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
