Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
