Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
