I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
