i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
