C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
