You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
