You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
