she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
