it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
