I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
