hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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