he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
