i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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