I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We got so high we made milksteak
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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