I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
